Jennifer Cavalleri and Oliver Barrett
from Erich Segal's Love Story
1970
Jennifer:
When our two souls stand up erect and strong, face to face, silent, drawing nigh and nigher 'til the lengthening wings break into fire at either curved point; What bitter wrong can the Earth do to us that we should not long be here contented?
Think. In mounting higher, the angels would press on us, and aspire to drop some golden orb of perfect song into our deep dear silence.
Let us stay rather on Earth, Beloved, where the unfit contrarious moods of men recoil away and isolate pure spirits and permit a place to stand and love in for a day with darkness and death hour rounding it.
Oliver:
I give you my hand.
I give you my love, more precious than money.
I give you myself before preaching or law.
Will you give me yourself?
Will you come travel with me?
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?
Many Americans witnessed their first non-traditional wedding when Jennifer Cavalleri (Ali McGraw) recited these words from Sonnets from the Portuguese, XXII by Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Oliver Barrett (Ryan O'Neal) responded with a borrowed phrase from Walt Whitman's Song of the Open Road. Before the wedding, Jennifer summed up in two sentences what many in her generation were feeling at the time: "The God bit. We're kinda negative on that too."
Rhoda Morgenstern and Joe Gerard
from the TV show Rhoda
October 28, 1974
Judge:
Family and guests, Rhoda and Joe have chosen to write their own wedding ceremony and marriage vows. We're here today to witness the marriage of Rhoda Morgenstern and Joseph Gerard, who didn't want to take up too much of your time.
They just wanted to say this:
When two people love each other, it's natural that they want to share each other's lives because love is what matters most. It doesn't solve everything. It doesn't promise everything. It just matters. Now they'd like to say something to each other.
Joe:
Rhoda, let me tell you, nobody in the world is happier than I am right now.
Rhoda:
Joe, you know, don't you, whatever it is I've got to give, you've got.
Judge:
Do you promise to stay together, to grow together and to trust each other as long as you both shall love?
Rhoda:
I do.
Joe:
I do.
Judge:
I now pronounce you married.
The once shleppy and single Rhoda won a following on the Mary Tyler Moore Show that led to her own spin-off series, Rhoda. Unfortunately, once Rhoda got her act together and married Joe, the show was over for Valerie Harper as ratings slipped and the cancellation notice followed.
Martha and Bill
from the movie, Serial
1980
Reverend:
Fellow members of the human community, this is the wedding of two separatenesses.
Martha:
You-ness, One-ness, Us-ness, We-ness.
Yours-ness, My-ness, Our-ness, Happiness.
Now, I want to know where your head is at.
Bill:
Thank you Martha for pushing my button.
Thank you for wanting me to participate in your life for I am an asshole and being an asshole is neither good nor bad, it just is.
Reverend:
I think that says it all. I now announce you pair-bonded for as long as your relationship continues.
This 1980 parody of life and love in the exclusive San Francisco community, Marin County, featured actors Martin Mull, Sally Kellerman and Tuesday Weld.
Charles Bukowski
The Great Zen Wedding, excerpt
1983
Then there were candles everywhere. The Zen master wanted to get on with it. Roy had given me the two rings. I felt. They were still there. Everybody was waiting on us...
We went out to the crowd. I dumped the rings on Roy. Roy had communicated, days earlier, to the Zen master that I was a drunk - unreliable - either faint-hearted or vicious - therefore, during the ceremony, don't ask Bukowski for the rings because Bukowski might not be there. Or he might lose the rings, or vomit, or lose Bukowski. So here it was, finally. The Zen master began playing with his little black book. It didn't look too thick. Around 150 pages, I'd say.
"I ask," said the Zen, "no drinking or smoking during the ceremony."
I drained my drink. I stood to Roy's right. Drinks were being drained all over the place. Then the Zen master gave a little chickenshit smile. I knew the Christian wedding ceremonies by the sad rote of experience. And the Zen ceremony actually resembled the Christian, with a small amount of horseshit thrown in. Somewhere along the way, three small sticks were lit. Zen had a whole box of the things - two or three hundred. After the lighting, one stick was placed in the center of a jar of sand. That was the Zen stick. Then Roy was asked to place his burning stick upon one side of the Zen stick, Hollis asked to place hers on the other.
But the sticks weren't quite right. The Zen master, smiling a bit, had to reach forward and adjust the sticks to new depths and elevations.
Then the Zen master dug out a circle of brown beads. He handed the circle of beads to Roy.
"Now?" asked Roy.
Damn, I thought, Roy always read up on everything else. Why not his own wedding? Zen reached forward, placed Hollis' right hand within Roy's left. And the beads encircled both hands that way.
"Do you..."
"I do..."(This was Zen? I thought.)
"And do you, Hollis..."
"I do...."
I kept staring at the Zen master's ears. And there were more words.
"...and do you Roy, promise not to take any drugs while in your relationship with Hollis?"
There seemed to be an embarrassing pause. Then, their hands locked together in the brown beads: "I promise," said Roy, "not to..."
Soon it was over. Or seemed over. The Zen master stood straight up, smiling just a touch of a smile.
I touched Roy upon a shoulder: "Congratulations."
Then I leaned over. Took hold of Hollis' head, kissed her beautiful lips.
Roseanne and Dan
from the Roseanne TV show
April 6, 1992
Roseanne:
Do you Dan promise to keep your beard out of the sink and hose yourself down when you come home from work, if I promise to have a clean towel waiting for you?
Dan:
Okay. Do you Rosie, promise to quit buying me those goofy shirts?
Roseanne:
Cool. And if you'll discipline your kid so that I'm not always the bad guy, well, then I'll stop making fun of your stupid friends. Sorry, Arnie.
Dan:
Good, okay, how 'bout if you quit saying, "You could watch football anytime," during the Superbowl, then I'll toss you a compliment on how you look once in a while no matter what you look like.
Roseanne:
You think you can do that?
Dan:
Yeah. Mean it about the towels?
Roseanne:
Yeah. Did you get that? (to the minister)
Minister:
I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. (Dan spits in his hand, they shake, then kiss).
Roseanne:
Your breath smells like sausage.
Roseanne and Dan are in Las Vegas to witness the wedding of their friends, Arnie (played by Roseanne's ex-husband Tom Arnold) and Nancy Lynn Bartlett (Sandra Bernhardt). After their ceremony, the newlyweds offer Roseanne and Dan a chance to renew their vows. The minister begins, "Do you promise to love..." but Roseanne stops him. "We've done that one before. Let's make up our own vows." What follows is a small litany of personal quips and housekeeping requests that any American spouse could relate to after 15 years of marriage.
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